A Parable on Failure

Dave went through a divorce recently. His wife left him for a taller, more handsome man who makes more money. As an I.T. specialist, Dave retreated to his work, got a one bedroom apartment, and became a recluse and a hermit. He went to work, went home, and spent his free time wallowing in misery, surfing anonymous chat sites, eating Doritos, and gaining weight.

One Friday evening he went home after a particularly uneventful day at the office. His apartment was already clean and his effort to busy himself with more cleaning led to a sporadic crying spell. He had no one to call, or at least no one he wanted to call. Dave took a shower and cried it out. In the heat of the shower, with the steam going and tears flowing, he found, for the first time in a while, a sense of clarity. A voice came to him, as if from his depth- it said "be not afraid to fail." It was loud and clear as if spoken through a bull horn that resided deep inside his chest.

For a long time, Dave stayed in the shower and let the voice have its way. A realization came to him; more than fearing failure, he feared rejection. He wanted nothing more than to be accepted at everything he did.  At his job, Dave was a perfectionist, not out of some deep sense of joy for making systems more compatible, but rather as a means to avoid rejection. But in this moment, Dave was somehow calm and relaxed. His mind remained quiet as hot water cascaded over him. The phrase "be not afraid to fail" kept coming to him over and over again like a tide coming in and going out. He let each wave wash over him and the tears that flowed were no longer of sadness but of joy.

Dave stepped out of the shower onto a clean towel and held another towel close to his face- inhaled deeply, and a voice came to him again, just as clear, just as powerful. "Seek out failure to earn your freedom." The voice, powerful and commanding, held both purpose and strength. The warm, steam filled room seemed to Dave to be a sanctuary. Dave could see a fogged outline of his silhouette in the mirror above his vanity, and instead of thoughts of disgust and contempt for his body, he could only hear the resounding voice from within- "seek out failure to earn your freedom." Over and over again, this phrase came upon Dave, and with each intonation, he gained even more clarity.

Dave dried himself, went to bed naked, and in a matter of minutes, fell into a deep sleep. A dream came to Dave. He was in an office suite, seventy stories up, in board room that smelled of birch and lavender. It was industrial decor, contemporary, clean, with ambient lighting. A team of executives had gathered round a big, rectangular table, to listen to Dave pitch a deal. Dave spoke effortlessly and with clarity, and his audience listened with rapt attention. There was warmth and lightness to his mood, and though what exactly he was saying was not clear, the reaction of his audience, a group of handsome men in business suits, let Dave know that they hung on his every word. Everything he said was magic.

As the meeting seemed to be wrapping up, Dave led the cadre of men out onto the balcony, revealing a majestic view of the city, the sun setting between two buildings across the street, orange fire blazing reflectively in 10,000 windows, the last rays of sun of that day, reached Dave's eyes, bringing great joy. The voice inside him came back, "seek out failure and earn your freedom." The voice echoed from within Dave and throughout the entire landscape of the city below. As the sun kissed the distant horizon for one last moment, Dan stepped over the railing and could hear the voices of other executives. "Come back" one yelled. "No," said another. But more forcefully than ever, Dave heard a voice from within, louder and more clear than ever: "SEEK OUT FAILURE TO EARN YOUR FREEDOM." He stepped off the ledge, and instantly, the seventy story building shrunk down. Dave stepped off onto the street, turned, looked at the executives, and walked towards the last slice of light on the Western horizon.

Dan awoke to a slice of light shining through his window and immense joy spread through his body. A new day's light shined in, and as if for the first time seeing the sun of a bright morning, Dave traced a ray of light from a crack in his blinds to the adjacent wall. For a long time, Dave just looked at the light, noticing eddies of dust floating harmoniously in the light, going and coming in a cosmic dance. Dave felt no wanting, no sense of desire, no self-loathing. The light slowly traversed a good distance on the wall, and Dave without urgency, got up, dressed, and went for a walk. Dave's mission became clear to him as he walked- he was going to seek out failure every day for the course of a year. With clarity of purpose, Dave entered a local supermarket. He stopped a middle aged man, hurriedly entering the store, and asked a question, "can you give me a ride to the bakery on 4th and Crenshaw?"

The man, taken aback, said, "sorry, not going that way," and hurried off. A sense of joy came over Dave.

The next day, Dave made a flier about Mormonism. He went to a busy mall and stopped a passerby, an early twenty-something woman, with two bags of goods, an air of satisfaction about her. Dave said, "excuse me," and she stopped. "Have you thought about the benefits of becoming a Mormon?

The woman smiled and said "no, thanks," and walked briskly away, and as she left, she turned around to see a great expression of joy on Dave's face. She couldn't help but smile even though these solicitations usually bothered her.

The next day, Dave called in sick to work, and instead went to Burger King, where he stopped a  man and his teenage son just as they entered the store. He said, "hello, could I have a dollar?"

The man, flushed, and said "I don't have any cash." And with that statement, Dave smiled brightly, as if he had just achieved some great accomplishment.

As each day passed, Dave found ever more creative ways to fail, sometimes asking for odd things from strangers and other times just trying to do something hard that he hadn't the capacity for. He carried with him an aura of confidence in everything he failed at, and amidst all of these little failures, Dave started to feel successful.

On day 27, Dave approached a beautiful stranger, a woman that the old Dave would have deemed out of his league. With sureness of purpose, he caught her eyes, and for a moment their eyes met. A great expression of joy came over him, and he asked, "can I buy you a cup of coffee."

She paused, and then said, "yes."

3 Reasons Preparing a Junk Yard for a First Draft can be Helpful

Anyone who has spent time trying to produce compelling writing knows the process isn't as smooth as stretching the fingers, taking a few sips of coffee, and letting ideas flow smoothly from the brain onto the screen. The junk yard image isn't inviting for many, especially because we all want to be successful, and creating junk is the opposite of what we hope to accomplish. We want clean, crisp copy that is compelling, but I believe there is value in the heaping pile of junk that is often a first effort.


1. There are Hidden Gems. A heaping pile of proverbial word junk, though unappealing to the untrained eye, is in fact a boon for many writers. Among all of the bad ideas that end up taking up residence on the page, there are hidden gems. Think of small flecks of gold that end up in a pan full of sentiment. Both Peter Elbow and Anne Lamont write about the importance and power of just getting ideas to the page- even if they only seem like bad ideas, at least there is forward momentum that can create opportunities for better second and third drafts. Oh heaping pile of proverbial word junk, I see thee not as just a pile of worthlessness- you are indeed ripe compost, from which the seeds of great ideas will blossom! 

2. Failures Provide Lessons. In the midst of failure, there are important lessons, and the "put a heaping pile of junk on the page approach" may seem to invite failure. No one likes to fail, and when I dive into something new, I want to do a perfect, four-rotation twist and go in head first without a splash.  Most of us want to be wildly successful in the initial efforts to get words to the page, but successes in writing rarely come without some measure of shortcoming. Being wrong and failing isn't fun, but seeing failure as opportunity (or seeing that big pile of junk as a great opportunity to do some recycling) could be quite beneficial. Oh heaping pile of proverbial word junk, the lessons you teach are rich, and from the failures strewn about in your midst are little lessons on what to do next.

3. Ideas need Time to Incubate. Some of the greatest inventions came about over lots of successive attempts and through dogged effort. Tim Burners Lee spent more than ten years developing the World Wide Web, and in ten years of thinking this through, there were certainly mounds and heaps of proverbial junk. Loads of ideas didn't work. Contrary to popular belief, breakthrough ideas are more-or-less the product of trial and error. The pile of junk that is the first draft can seem unmanageable and unruly, but eventually, value emerges. Something shiny catches the eye, and beneath some old refrigerator or hidden near a scrap of metal, are the breakthrough ideas that will make the piece of writing successful. Oh heaping pile of proverbial word junk, I salute you for laying the groundwork for laying the groundwork for better and more successful ideas!

In closing, it is important to note that borrowing the junk of others- re-purposing if you will, can also be a boon for creativity. The film industry is famous for its ability to re-purpose junk from the past and make it shiny and new again. In my next posting, I'll write about remix culture and ways to make old content new again.